Going through old videos never fails to get me feeling all nostalgic. As content as I am with life right now, I still miss how things used to be. The gut wrenching laughs, the conversations, the overall lack of dullness. There used to be a time where I’d go weeks without having a bad day, now days are neither good nor bad. They’re just days.. days with no risks of disappointment or elation. Eh.. idk.
Tonight’s episode of How I Met Your Mother pretty much sums up how I’ve been feeling for the past few months. It really struck a nerve..
I miss you. That is all.
We’ve known each other for so long and you can honestly say that the thought of there ever being an “us” has never crossed your mind? Not even the slightest bit? I’m sorry, but that’s a bunch of bullshit. I don’t know why this bothers me so much. Oh well..
I’ve lived a life of selflessness for so long.. A bit of selfishness might actually help.
I always wonder what will happen when I finally run into you. We used to be so close, inseparable in fact. For as long as I can remember, back in middle school, not a day would go by without hearing from you. We had our ups and downs, and downs and downs, but no matter what happened we never gave up on each other. We were kids then.. The innocence faded and our friendship slowly disappeared. I gave up on you. Cut all ties. Literally one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Took me forever to get over you, but I did. Occasionally, like tonight, thoughts about you still run through my mind. I wonder if you still make that puckered up sour face whenever you tease somebody, or how that little bear I gave you on Valentines Day in 7th grade is holding up or if you ever figured out how to help a guy put on a tie or even if lip syncing to “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt can still put a smile on your face? Regardless of how “poisonous” you were to my life, you still were a significant part of it. I know just cutting all ties without saying anything was a dick move, but it was needed at the time. I hope you understand, and I hope someday we can be friends again.
To be honest, it’s not any of you, it’s me. This is to everyone I’ve been shying away from the past couple of weeks, to all the unreplied messages on my facebook and tumblr, to the people I haven’t even bothered to make any contact with.. I’m just trying to figure myself out. I hope you understand that I don’t mean to ignore you all, I just.. I need this alone time. I truly appreciate everything everyone’s been saying and I’m glad to have people like you all in my life, so please don’t take this silence the wrong way. I miss you all, and Happy Holidays. Love, Me.
Everyone’s moving on in their lives. While I’m here actually regressing. No joke. Instead of my life being put “on pause” I feel as if I’m actually taking steps back. I mean is that even possible? I’ve lost all motivation to do anything and I just want to stay in bed all day. I’m slacking off in school and I’ve been avoiding all my friends. I spend all my time trying to encourage myself to do something about it, but I literally feel like my heart’s given up. I’m in I’ve been in such a horrible funk and I have no idea how to get out of it.
You have things on your mind that you want to let out, I have things on my mind that I want to let out. You’re a stranger, I’m a stranger. We have no knowledge of each other’s past or any general idea of what kind of person we are. Let’s get together, and go wild.. No strings attached. What harm could that do? Just two people getting things off their chests without judgement, then never having contact with each another ever again. One night to let everything you have to say out with no judgement. Basically an emotional one night stand. What do you say?
I mean I don’t mind listening to all the unimportant things you have to say. I just think it’d be nice if that went both ways.
To all of you who have found and are with their soulmate, I really do hope you know how lucky you are.
Look, I really don’t know you, so that’s what makes it even more strange. I have the worst time trying to trust people or even like them for that matter, so when I realized that I really liked you, I knew something was up. I can’t say what it is about you that I like, which is even weirder because I usually find some reason to like someone the way I like you. So for there to be no profound reason, it makes me think… I mean, I know next to nothing about love, other than what it’s NOT. But when I think of you, I think good things, happy things. I think of songs, laughter, chill times, videogames, and old school VHS’s. I don’t think I love you right now, but I could see myself loving you… and that’s weird, like, scary weird. I mean, I have all of these walls, and when I think of you, it’s like I can choose to take them down, even if it means a little bit of pain. Sometimes, just to be honest, I think I’m wasting my time, but I know how busy we both are, but it’s still nice, ya know? to know that I can actually feel this way about someone else. So I guess I’m just clinging on to that and the possibility that we could maybe, just maybe, be something. I’m in over my head, and you’re out of my league, but I’m willing to step the shit out of it up, if it means holding your hand, staying up late watching movies, and just letting my guard down for once. God, I’m pathetic, but who the fuck cares, ya know? You are crushing me, and I’m letting you. So, time take your course and do what you will, but I’ll stay here hoping and dreaming for U and I to make like a keyboard and be together.
I’m in love with the idea of being in love and because of this I am constantly setting myself up for disappointment. I get attached way too easily and always force myself to see only the good in people often overlooking such horrible flaws in their personality.. That ultimately leads to me hating myself for not seeing it from the get go. I hate it. Things that seem too good to be true usually are in my world -__- I’m seriously tired of trying..
